JAPANDROIDS - ALL LIES

(no decent artwork found)

What makes a good band?

Is it looks?
Charm?
Energy?
Ethnicity?
Gender?
Clean teeth?
Druggy?
Weezer?
Puppies?
Bible stories?
Food?
Coffee?
Jeeps?
Two singers?
No singers?

I don't know.

This EP has got 5 McNuggets. 3 of which have suite and sour sauce. 1 has ranch, and the other two have got ketchup and ranch. what is the probability that 1 of the McNuggets will have some sort of sauce, and not just a condiment?

This EP has 2 canadian milkshakes that yell alot. And play the drums an guitar real loud like. Triple thick milkshakes (Due to the beards). you see, a lot of people don't understand the ins and outs of quantum physics. I'm one of them. I'm no Doc Brown, or Justin Long for that matter, so don't you question me about slinkies. Don't you ever! Watch your pretty mouth boy, or else I'ma throw a dragon in there. Watch that dragon fly into your little slinky on the staircase as I throw soup on the people in the soup kitchen. They wince, and then bathe. They wince, and then bathe.They wince, and then bathe.They wince, and then bathe.They wince, and then bathe.They wince, and then bathe.They wince, and then bathe.They wince, and then bathe.They wince, and then bathe.They wince, and then bathe.They wince, and then bathe.They wince, and then bathe.They wince, and then bathe.They wince, and then bathe.They wince, and then bathe.They wince, and then bathe.They wince, and then bathe.They wince, and then bathe.They wince, and then bathe.They wince, and then bathe.They wince, and then bathe.They wince, and then bathe.They wince, and then bathe.They wince, and then bathe.They wince, and then bathe.They wince, and then bathe.They wince, and then bathe.They wince, and then bathe.They wince, and then bathe.They wince, and then bathe.They wince, and then bathe.They wince, and then bathe.They wince, and then bathe.They wince, and then bathe.They wince, and then bathe.They wince, and then bathe.They wince, and then bathe.They wince, and then bathe.They wince, and then bathe.They wince, and then bathe.They wince, and then bathe.They wince, and then bathe.They wince, and then bathe.They wince, and then bathe.They wince, and then bathe.They wince, and then bathe.They wince, and then bathe.They wince, and then bathe.and then bathe.and then bathe.and then bathe.and then bathe.and then bathe.and then bathe.and then bathe.and then bathe.and then bathe.and then bathe.and then bathe.and then bathe.and then bathe.and then bathe.and then bathe.and then bathe.and then bathe.and then bathe.and then bathe.and then bathe.and then bathe.and then bathe.and then bathe.and then bathe.and then bathe.and then bathe.and then bathe.and then bathe.and then bathe.and then bathe.and then bathe.and then bathe.and then bathe.and then bathe.and then bathe.and then bathe.and then bathe in apple pie a la mode. It's all so simple, just like sewing a sweater for a sweet sweaty youngster. The goggles are for swimming, the googles are for surfing. swim and yahoo to your netzero. ouch! my mail is hot! i just burnt my hand and need some help at the speed of sound. Where's the germans? Where's the russians? Where's the nice man at the airport yesterday? I took of my shoes and my socks were clean. One woman didn't have socks. She was japanese.

OVERALL RATING - uptempo hooplahs that are cool, i might check out more later, but that time i saw them live sucked.
KEY TRACKS - press corps, avant sleepwalk.

PYLON - GYRATE

Pylon is just a fantastic beast of a band. But there's a lot to hate about them.

Like if you hate female singers that just kinda yell.
Or bands that you can dance to, while their lyrics defy you to dance to them.
Songs whose lyrics are just a list of nouns.
Songs that go for close to six minutes just so you can dance more.
Or if you hate any good band that's come out of Athens, GA (R.E.M., B-52s, Love Tractor)

But I hate none of those things, hence I freaking love Pylon.

By the way, skip to 1.02 in this video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sVzvn3iB1qs&feature=fvw

doesn't mike mills look JUST LIKE matt verticchio, except all sweaty?'

ok, back to PYLON. Imagine the B-52s are like smores - a little crispy, gooey, makes you feel warm inside etc. PYLON are smores with barbed wire and when you bite it, it bites you back.

But man, I could just keep listening to this album! I mean, songs that are great for dancing, yet while being smart, like the Multiplication Rap tape I had when I was 7 (sorry, no sample lyrics...) and it just makes you want to get down, because everything is "Cool" according to the bonus track, "Cool", the A-side of their first single.

Sorry, this review just turned to crap. I wasted time watching R.E.M. videos on youtube and I no longer have a train of thought to finish this.

It's really good. You should buy it. The "Gyrate Plus" addition has the first single, a remix of "Danger" and a jam from a practice tape. If you like dancing, bass heavy-ness, and super-trebly guitars, you'll love this. I will say the drummer is great. He's very subtle, but he does this thing with the toms and snare and bass drum he'll do these hits with bass and snare at the same time (instead of bass and cymbal or something) that just get me every time.

The album ends with a great lyric:
"Don't rock and roll".
Brilliant.

OVERALL RATING - DIRTBIKES!!
KEY TRACKS - Feast on my Heart, Driving School, Stop It.

THE BEATLES - SGT. PEPPER'S LONELY HEARTS CLUB BAND

People seem to love this album. It's crazy actually. Those dorks at Rolling Stone call it the best thing ever, and I'm convinced that whenever Greg Kot hears it, he craps his pants while holding back Jeff Tweedy's hair as he pukes - like any husband would do for his wife.
And what you got here is a wide variety of styles.
Like the idea of the CONCEPT ALBUM! which the Beatles invented. Just like the invented rock and roll, lemons, and Jesus, who they were subsequently bigger than. Pshhh, my Jesus was a TALL man. Not some teeny-tiny frisbee golf grave digger. So take that RINGO!

Sorry, I meant TAKE THAT BONO! (By Bono, I mean Sonny Bono, by who I mean James Bond, who becomes this lovely man known as Chef Boyardee. Spaghettios are better.)

But the concept last all of two songs...and how bout that?! There's that song that Ringo sings that Joe Cocker did (one of my friends said "Christ, this song sucks" and didn't believe me when I said that the Cocker version was a cover). And the first song with a french horn/brass solo that is so bad, people are laughing during it!
The album turns into a living lava lamp as we get translated to the world of John Lennon's son's drawings complete with lyrics like "rocking horse people eating marshmallow pies" and "getting really fricking high, and like, dude, let's go to McDonald's man, I want some fries". "Getting Better" talks about a guy who beats his wife and has anger problems. Who said Big Black was misogynistic? Cleary, Sir Paul has no problem beating up grocery cart. "Fixing a Hole" is a little dippy dippy do pop song, and "She's Leaving Home" is freaking beautiful.

"Being for the Benefit of Mr. Kite" is a cute little ditty about building fires. "Within You Without You" is 5 minutes of George Harrison groping a tabla and mumbling some crap about talking about the space between us. Yeah George, its called "AIR!". Stupid english blokes. "When I'm 64" surprised me the most. I always knew the lyrics could be heartbreaking if read correctly, but then I heard the song and its this thing with bassoons and crap! I mean, its cute, but not heartbreaking! I mean, when can I cry listening to the Beatles?! I guess the closest I get is with "Ram". "Lovely Rita" is some trippy rock tune thats really nice and fun to sing to. "Good Morning Good Morning" is lots of fun on the Rock Band where you can make the dog barking noises and get bonus points! Then there's the Sgt. Pepper reprise that's just a 1.20 ditty thats even harder rocking than a jackhammer to the face of a cinnabon employee.

The album ends with some long song and yeah.

OVERALL RATING - Definite plus here. Really good album. Solid stuff.
KEY TRACKS - a day in the life, she's leaving home, getting better.

FRED SCHEINDER - JUST FRED

In 1996, a legend of a man released a solo album that not too many folks were expecting that was sadly forgotten all too quickly. But, we aren’t here to talk about “Allies” by Fred Frith! We’re here to talk about Fred Schneider’s “Just Fred”.



The title itself is misleading. It really isn’t “just Fred” as you would think. It’s actually Fred with 3 different backing bands – one of which was the fabulous group Six Finger Satellite, another was Shadowy Men on a Shadowy Planet (known for the theme song to “Kids in the Hall”), and another called Deadly Cupcake, who features a Rick Sims on the guitar. Of course, we all know Rick Sims as being the guitarist for the Didjits as well! It probably comes as no surprise that it was also recorded by Steve Albini. Wait, what?! It was recorded by Steve Albini?! You mean to tell me that Fred “Rock Lobster” Schneider recorded an album with Steve “I have a headache like a pillow!” Albini?! Whoa! That’s reason enough to spend $4 on Amazon and buy a copy of this.



But what does it actually sound like?



Well, it’s interesting because you would think that this whole combination of goodness would actually be like a peanut butter waffle scone - 3 fantastic things that just don’t belong together ever. But it works! I can’t really explain why, but it does. Interestingly enough, Fred didn’t write any of the music. There are a few folks who put it all together, but Fred did write all of the lyrics, minus one song. That one song is “Coconut” by Harry Nilsson (that’s that “you put the lime in the coconut and you drink it all up” song for those of you without the Reservoir Dogs soundtrack). As you can tell, this album just seems to get more and more random. But I don’t know if it’s the songwriting, the playing, Albini’s “production”, or just the fact that Fred Schneider actually made this, but it’s genuinely enjoyable. The closest comparison I can make is to imagine Fred fronting any 90s-era Touch & Go band on some of the tracks. You got all the elements – rumbling bass, slashing and treble heavy guitars, and consistently pummeling drums, plus that guy from the B-52s yelling “YOU’LL KISS THE WHIP!” or “BULLDOZER ON THE MIRACLE MILE!”. On the others, it’s more a just straight rock sound, with some poppy chords thrown in to give it that stadium anthem sound. And did I mention that it was recorded in only two weeks?! Crazy stuff here…



And we have to talk about Fred’s vocal performance. Maybe it’s the result of him being with this young group of whippersnappers, but Fred sound energized as all get up on these tracks. In an interesting choice, Albini actually has the vocals being very clear in the mix, which makes sense. However, if you’ve heard anything else he’s recorded, you know he likes to bury those vocals six feet into the ground and then flood the hole with yard trimmings and lighter fluid. But since it is a Fred Schneider solo album, and because Fred just yells all the time anyways, the vocals sound great and his lyrics are the usual witty workings you could find on any B-52s recording.



So if you have $5 to spend, don’t spend it on dinner. Buy this instead! Sure, it might not be the best album you’ve ever heard, but with it being Fred, you know it’s going to be a party, and he makes it clear that you are most definitely invited.



OVERALL RATING – S’mores – meaning that lots of good things in a little package that’s sweet enough to be enjoyed by most, and if you don’t like it, well, it’s only 36 minutes long.

KEY TRACKS – “Whip”, “Radioactive Lady Eyeball”, “Bulldozer”.

STEREOLAB - EMPEROR TOMATO KETCHUP

So this album sucks.







Just kidding!

It's OK. Nowhere near my favorite - and here's why!:
I hate the french
I hate socialists
I hate keyboards
I hate drum machines
English people like bad indian food
Sushi is gross
Stereolab are the reasons for war in the world
They cancelled Seinfeld
They butchered a hog
They stole my rollercoaster
They really know how to mess up to the max
Rock over london, rock on chicago -
Chili's - I want my baby back ribs.

Just kidding!

No, this is a fine album. Most folks think it's their best. Not I. I say this because while most the songs are great, there's some stuff that's just questionable. Like that song "Spark Plug". Like, some weird funky thing after 4 fantastic songs. It sounds really out of place here, like bad groovin' something er other. Not too pleasing at all. Also, "The Noise of Carpet" sounds like a rocking tune, but its too "generic-ly" rocking for my likes. I mean, its STEREOLAB! C'mon, yall aren't generic at all! That's Public Image Ltd's job.

It also feels like after such a strong first half, the seconds lags at times, but when it picks up, it picks up!
"Slow Fast Hazel" just does that, and it ends and its all beautiful and stuff. But some of the second half stuff, while good, also gets to be quite samey, and because of that, songs blend together and you sometimes feel like you've heard this song already. But what can you do?

NOT LISTEN TO IT!

No, but this is an enjoyable album and all that, just make sure that you take off your shoes.

OVERALL RATING - Hand sanitzin' goodness yo!
KEY TRACKS - Slow Fast Hazel, Les Yper-Sound, Motoroller Scalatron

PAUL MCCARTNEY - RAM

So according to Johnyboy, I've never reviewed ANY Paul McCartney or Beatles releases! Whoaawwwooow! How bout that?

So let's pick this - a critically acclaimed album by Sir Paul and Lady Linda.

Well, uhm, its good. And rockin'. And not terrible at all.

Boy, if there's something you can learn here, its how kooky Paul was. I mean, listen to these songs - "Uncle Albert"? "Monkberry Moon Delight"? "Smile Away" (with the lyric "I could smell your breath from a mile away)?

But no matter how kooky, its still wonderful and freaking perfect. The production sounds great and not dated at all, and man, dude, person, dog, this album is full of singalongs too! Paul creates a hell of a chorus I tell ya. Just ask John as we'd drive along this summer singing along to "Monkberry" or "Uncle Albert"...even "Too Many People"s vocals are infectious enough to warrant a fun time.

Paul goes through a variety of styles here, but he pulls them off wonderfully.

And the ending track, "Back Seat of My Car" is just fantastic with its soaring chrous and then it ends.

OVERALL RATING - 10 fricking stars
KEY TRACKS - back seat, monkberry,uncle albert, dear boy

BLACK TAMBOURINE - COMPLETE RECORDINGS

And right underneath "Black Keys" in my iTunes is Black Tambourine.

D.C. area band that was on Slumberland, you know,that label that has the Pains of Being Pure at Heart. Imagine if you wanted to listen to an album like Pains that wasn't terrible - you'd have this. Fuzzy guitars, female vocals recorded in an echo chamber with beautifully obscured lyrics, some loud drums, and happy pop melodies. Actually, I take back that Pains reference, this group shouldn't be lowered to Pains of Being Pure my art standards. Hmmm, maybe early MBV meets Vivian Girls? I don't know, it's just good.

And it says complete recordings, which it turns out is only 10 songs. And its over in 25 minutes. They released a single, an ep, some tracks for comps, and one unreleased jam. Pitchford says its being re-released soon, so let's find out how some more bonus tracks sound in the coming month er something.

jeez, that was a terrible sentence. Oh well, you keep on keepin' on, like takin' a fortune cookie that says "you will die in a firey explosion" and makin' sure you live up to that...

anyways, this is a good album here and I can't recommend it enough. Hell, I can send it to ya if you want...

OH!
FYI:FYE
The songs are not in chronological order, so it starts off with the fantastic song "For Ex-Lovers Only", but then goes into songs from another EP, kinda like Stereolab's "Switched On" (which I still need to review). yeah! but also like "Switched On", this tracklist works just fine. Just thought YOU should know.

OVERALL RATING - toaster strudel
KEY TRACKS - for ex-lovers only, throw aggi off the bridge, pack you up