THE BLACK KEYS - THICKFREAKNESS

So what we got here is 2 persons playin' the instruments and singing the songs. Actually, one sings the songs, but what's it matter to ya? jerk.

Boy, that first track starts off with some cool noise! Then just kinda into a fuzzy-blues rockin' ditty here. Listen to that guys voice! You almost wouldn't believe he's from Ohio!
The second track has got a cool noisy solo, almost kinda sounds like a solo from that Monks record...
But as the album progresses, it starts to become relatively similar, and while enjoyable, the songs kinda start to sound the same. Maybe its because I've only listened to it 4 times or so, but it seems that there's only so much you can do with fuzzy guitar driven stompers for so long.

Also, I think that the tracks that are a bit slower (Cry Alone, Everywhere I Go) aren't as good, mainly because they seem to lack energy, and so you get songs that just drag and drag for toooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo long.

BUT! If you like guitar and drums and vocals, you might like this!
It's not that I don't like it, its just sorta "there" and isn't the most exciting thing I've heard since my time playing billiards and a pool hall when I was 13 in Oak Park.

OVERALL RATING - Cinnabon
KEY TRACKS - Hard Row, Have Love Will Travel, No Trust

BLACK TAMBOURINE - COMPLETE RECORDINGS

THE FALL - BEND SINISTER

(along with two others, this album was picked at random and reviewed within 10 minutes)

HEY! here's actually one I've listened to before and actually LIKE! crap, might not be able to do it in 10 minutes. let's try anyways! I have this album artwork as a t-shirt.

SPOOOKY! pounding drums, scary sounding guitar chords, a scary bassline, and some keyboards that sound like vincent price yanked them out of his solar plexus. but, then a super catchy danceable chorus! i'm totally groovin' to this right now. dear god, its 1.20 and i have rehearsal in 8 hours, i've gotta finish up soon.

"Dktr. Faustus" sparse, Brix doing some "yeah-ea-eahhh" vocals, Mark through a megaphone, kinda like "Barmy", it keeps building to the end, where it becomes a mess of cool noises and Brix and Mark yelling "faust banana!!" and stuff. god I love this band.

"shoulder pads 1#" is some cool short ditty dancey thing that is totally poppy, but the production makes it seem really creepy, but its great!

"mr. pharmacist" is the famous track here. it's a cover of a song by some group called "The other half" and its a garage cracker stomper that speads up and has an actual guitar solo! weird! "Gross chapel - british grenadiers" is a moody bass driven creeper. see, its right behind you!!! aaaaa nooooo! but, it goes on for over 7 MINUTES. repition is this bands FORTE, and I live in a FORT. "Living to late" is a b-side to single, but the US CD throws it into the middle of the album. BUT, i fricking love this song.
"U.S. 80-90s" has a riff that sounds like "batman" meets "here comes santa claus", and some drum machine rhythms, but still cool. ohh and space invader sounds!
"Terry Waite Sez" is yet another 2 minute dancer. "Bournemouth Runner" is also kinda dancey, and 6 minutes long, so you can dance for a long time. Like 6 minutes! I ate 6 donuts. Hey John, how bout milkshakes??!

why can't ghost go to the movies?

because the dead have no interest in modern film.

"Riddler!" is another slow one, but still enjoyable. god i love this band.

"Shoulder Pads 2#" is a lot like "1#", except its shorter.

"auto tech pilot" is from a single as well, but the bass line and the guitar noises sound like something that the thinking fellers totally stole. Don't believe me? well, let's watch "Flubber". This song has a few parts, but its fine.

for when you want Joy Division but without all the crappy songs.

OVERALL - dark, slow and dancey. like a twix inside a Ian Curtis!!
KEY TRACKS - living too late, dktr. faustus, bournemouth runner

BOB DYLAN - INFIDELS

(this, along with 2 others, are albums that were picked at random and reviewed within 10 minutes)

This seems like prequel to "Knocked Out Loaded". It sucks.
I think he's singing on "Jokerman", I can't tell. The bass is too loud, and Bob keeps going "uhhaaa oohhhh. oooooohh. ahhhhhh.".
the next one sounds less like jimmy buffet, but even worse.
track 3 - really, he released this?
track 4 - convinced this song has no actual music, just a drum, bass notes, and bob rambling about something. not how you think a song called "license to kill" should go. christ, this makes dire straits look interesting.
track 5 - DUDE! This song's awesome!!!!

just kidding, its terrible.
track 6 - redneck hoedown meets kraftwerk, like the 90s club smash hit "Cotton Eye Joe"
track 7 - more reggae crap, but with horrible production with bob sounding like he's both castrated AND has a sinus infection.
track 8 - ohh! HARMONICA! FINALETJOS DBHYIDRFGHIBKKLHXLHGFPOIFVUVLMFK;JXVC;ULKFKLJ;FKTDTYET6 OIGH RTVYWG4 HORIREWASTFYGIK,HYBMUTGFVBIK]TYRFGH]YUJ6HJ76UHYYHUMYJHUNMHUY67HNUJMJNYMNUMHYUMMNTGDSI UCJSKCD HSDAJSJSAICUsaDSDFD'SKOHK
other than that, its not good. why do the drums sound like a punching bag in a cave?

OVERALL RATING - sushi, meaning its GROSS and shouldn't be ingested by anyone EVER and the people who think its a good idea are FREAKING CRAZY.
KEY TRACKS - none, so I'll come up with some funny song titles. "frisbee glass stains", "dogs are for loving, not shoving", "my cat's hot pants", "french fries and peanut butter ruining my chess game for an eternal lover's lava lamp". for $3, I'll record all of these songs FOR YOU, and put your name in each of them.

THE KINKS - ARE THE VILLAGE GREEN PRESERVATION SOCIETY

(this, along with 2 others, are albums that were picked at random and reviewed within 10 minutes)


Ok, I haven't listened to this one yet. Let's see, starts off bouncy, some harmonica, mid-tempo, CCR-ish. cool. next song!
Slow, with some "da-do du dah!" and a one note solo! oh boy, it swaggers!
let's see, some easy sounding pop thing, relatively pleasant..."all of my friends were there" sounds like some weird circus-y thing the Fall does, except it sucks!
oh the title track! doo babaa doo sharrlllabba! lou barlow!
boy, does "do you remember walter?" sound like a great song that stole its beat from the cool macca part in "a day in the life". watch out john lennon, he wants more than an autograph!!!

he wants your LOVE.

WHAT THE HELL IS THIS STEREO SEPERATION ON HALF THE TRACKS?!?!?!
"johnny thunder" seems kinda weird coming out of my speakers. "monica" some latin feel. has ray davies been listening to STEREOLAB?
"village green" annoys me. "songbird" is like, whatever.
"wicked annabella" seems like it could be cool.

the albums finishes and i'm a happy man.

OVERALL RATING - doritos
KEY TRACKS - "wicked annabella", "people take pictures of each other", "do you remember walter?"

SONGS: OHIA - THE MAGNOLIA ELECTRIC CO.

Took me a while to get into this one...Jason started listening to too much crazy horse er something.

BUT

it's good. kinda like sitting at a bar in the middle of nowhere and just kicking in some grade-schooler's face.
I'm sorry, I mean't getting kicked in the face BY a grade schooler. Apologies.

So, what is there:

the songs are great.
There's a whole band.
It was recorded by Stivearn Albaniesh.
"Hold On Magnolia" is freaking beautiful (Jason knows how to write album closers).
Two other people sing two songs.
The girl on "Peoria Lunch Box Blues" is great, but I'm not too into the one Lawrence Peters sings (Old Black Box Hen).
"John Henry Split My Heart" belongs on "Tonight's the Night".
A fine album for driving I would imagine, I currently don't have a car.

OVERALL RATING - MUCHOS HOT DOGS!
KEY TRACKS - just be simple, hold on magnolia, i've been riding with the ghost.

DINOSAUR JR - FOSSILS

Some compilation of the SST singles...3 of the tracks are on Bug or Living...,and another 2 are bonus tracks on the most recent reissues (keep the glove, just like heaven). So, only worth having for the other 3 tracks, a 49 sec. thing called "Throw Down", some hardcore cover called "Chunks" that Louie sings, and the infamous "Show me the way" cover. You can find "show me the way" on the SST CD of "living..." which is out of print, so, you get it here! Personally, I prefer "Just Like Heaven" more than the Frampton cover, but that's just me today...

Not worth spending more than $8 on, but it's readily avaliable online, or from me.

OVERALL RATING - chi-town tasting plate
KEY TRACKS - little fury things, show me the way, just like heaven.

LOU BARLOW - GOODNIGHT UNKNOWN

So, this is the new Louie Barlow solo album. You know, he was that guy that played bass in Soul Asylum, so be ready to ROCKKKKKKKKKK!

Well, the first song gears you up to rock and kick some grade-school face in. Then, the second one is kinda slower and not as overall rockin', what with these synths and shtuff. Oh, Dale Crover plays all the drums on here! So if you like the Melvins, but hate Lou Barlow, you probably won't like this album.

The rest of the album follows a string of acoustic-driven rockers, some pleasent pluckers, and nothing terribly horrible. And if you didn't guess, here, Louie has once again, ditched the 4 track hiss of those Sentridoh recordings all the kids love nowadays. But that should be no suprise if you ever listened to "Bakesale".

What else is there..."I'm thinking" has some guitar or something that sounds like it was lifted from a thinking fellers LP way back when, and "one machine, one long flight" is some noisy something or other.

Lou's trying to make a lot of these sound really epic...but, since he's such a cutie, I don't mind.

OVERALL RATING - 7-11 slurpee.
KEY TRACKS - don't apologize, too much freedom, sharing